Grief

Honored to partake of the
“One word at a time blog carnival,”
with such delightful participants
hosted by our charismatic host Peter Pollock

GRIEF- a small word for such a great amount of pain
What happens to children, when someone very close to them dies, and they are left alone? Do they ever recover? How long is their grieving period? Many experts have told me that it takes a while. Maybe this was the exception to the rule, or maybe it was a psychological approach for the two girls to bear their miserable lives and to endure so much pain. Well I am here to tell you about two little girls that never ended the process of grieving until one was forty and the other thirty years old.

The story began in 1952, when I was more or less four and my sister a year younger, that’s when our mother died at least physically. Or should I say that’s what everyone said. My father, who was overseas in the service at the time, came home. We lived with some aunts for a while, and then we ended up living with our father .Living with abuse from our stepmother and a drunken father was no fun, so all my brothers and sisters were placed in different foster homes or orphanages. Family services placed us in a foster home, one after another. How come they did not keep us, we did all they told us too, even if we did not want too. We were helpless and innocent and yet we felt guilty.
My older brother said that many times he saw mother sitting or standing at the foot of his bed watching him as he slept, I believed him because I remember seeing her when I made my First Holy Communion, a day when I received Jesus for the first time. And many times I would be walking alone and afraid and would turn around and I would see her. You see we were afraid of everything.

All this time my sister and I had a broken heart and I guess to survive we kept our mother alive. More so than if she was dead. We spoke to her every day, and we constantly asked God to send her back to us. Since we had no mother
It was a mysterious relationship difficult to understand unless you were two little girls looking for love, instead receiving physical and mental abuse. Once we were hit so hard that we had a lot of bruises on our body but they told the teachers that we had the measles. We were so alone; no one would believe our story. We found out that it was just us and God.

We were made to feel that we were bad and ugly and beaten and not fed. We had no boots or coat or gloves to keep us warm, except our prayers, and talks to God. We were always sick.We went to bed hungry every night, and if we were fed at one home it was rotten food that had been kept for over weeks and then given to us, my little sister was so scared that she ate it, I would not eat meat on Friday because the sisters at school said it was a sin. (The Catholic Church forbade you to eat meat on Fridays as a form of penance and sacrifice, the rule is still effective now only for the 40 days of Lent, 40 days prior to Easter)

We cried every night until we became older and realized that mom was in heaven, then we would pray over and over asking God to let us go see our mom if He would not let her come to us. What an extraordinary faith we had, to believe that God could do all, including taking us to heaven. We did not know that in order to see our mother we had to die. We did not understand that concept until we became older and then we wished we were dead so that we could have our mom back.
I will skip many of the things we went through from sexual abuse to so much sorrow and sadness from one home to the other, “When will it stop” we tried everything from obeying, to running way, from going to stores and stealing for them, we could not talk to the other children, she always found out and then we got a beating. We even offered all our pain without complaining so that God would grant our wish and take us to heaven. We even told the priest in confession and no one listened.

Then later on in life, when I was roughly forty I was in attending my prayer group and was anointed and slain in the Spirit… I saw my mother and I kept crying and crying for hours, and as this vision of a person in dazzling white gown held my hand and took me through all my experiences in my life, then I finally stopped my grieving for my mom, for I then knew and was led to understand by God that it was not our fault and that she was there with God through all my experiences in life and finally I understood all, that she was our hope she was our guide leading us to God. I know I skipped a lot of the story but after all it was over thirty years. God has always been there and as He held my hand the day of my healing, He held it throughout all my sufferings and especially when my mom finally left to be with Him. He allowed her to be ever present in our lives for so long so that we had something to hope for during our struggles. Our faith never wavered, we found a friend in God, a friend that was there for us and always will be.

I feel honored to join such GIFTED group of writers on “carnival Blog”

COMMUNITY:

Family relatives baptism communion Faith

The first community we all belong to is family, another word for community. When young we needed a small community to learn and grow from one another. As we grow we actively belong to church communities or neighborhood communities. Relationships begin to form with our families teaching us to grow as we interact and work with each other.

I learned that community in context of church means universal, church is for everyone, and so is God. The important part of community is togetherness.

Alone we cannot grow,
We cannot learn, we cannot share,
God never wanted us to be alone.

The mission of the church is to form faith communities by which many families can work together and evangelize the world. A church is a community a (group of people) that work together to accomplish God’s work.

“By our baptism we are commission to live in communion with all people”.

Community living might not be to every ones liking: because our walk with God intertwines closely with the lives of others. In community all is done in communion with the group. When Jesus was instructing the apostles, He was forming a community of his apostles, disciples and friends. He was showing us The Way.

“I am the Way the Truth and the Life…..” John 14:16

“Go and teach all nations….” Matthew 28::19

We all know about the communities that were formed right after the Resurrection of Jesus Christ,.St. Paul and the other followers of Jesus where responsible that the communities where following the example and teachings of Jesus Christ and that the children, women, widows and elderly sick and all were taken care and provided for. We are all related to God as one family. The apostles figured that by working together they could learn and mature spiritually in faith and with united efforts take care of their human needs.

It was no longer separate families but one large one. (FAMILY).

And the mission of the church instructed by Jesus Christ was to begin….. The beginning of the church was on its way and grew and grew and extended to us the new followers. They believed that through living in community they could manifest the presence of Christ in a familiar way. (FAMILY) Communities flourished because there was support, encouragement, and thus conversion followed becoming a strong faith community. It is about a community The Way that began so long ago that I want to share with you.

The Neocatechumanel Way

I walked the Way for a little over three years; it is modeled after the first communities in scripture. Small groups gathered to express their faith with one another. Their catechesis is very intense and provides teachings so that you can evangelize and grow in your walk with the Lord. They provide Christian formation for adults so that their faith matures. People who join speak of their conversions and close relationship with the Lord in innumerable ways. There are over 50,000 thousand of these communities all over the world. The Neocatechumanel Way began n Spain, and then journeyed on to Italy and Poland and spread rapidly all through Europe and the United States, the Philippines, Mexico. It is approved by the Catholic Church. Many Greek Orthodox churches are also adopting The Way. Communities of this kind are spreading like wild fire throughout the nations confirming the need we have for “Christian community living “in the world where people form bonds of love, friendship, and faith to help them in the journey here on earth.

Matthew 18:20
Where two or three are gathered in my name,
There am I in their midst

I found this community to be very rewarding and educational and I love their Liturgies a reproduction from the first Liturgies in the early church. In other communities I had learned about the personal relationship with Jesus Christ, through scripture and catechesis but this community went even further, a relationship of me, and God and me God and my community as one. I was touched about the unity and love they shared with one another.

Charismatic Renewal Community

I was also blessed to belong too, the Charismatic Renewal Community, a community in which I belonged for over ten years. There I experienced spiritual, mental and physical healing, by which my heart and mind were healed from the pain and suffering caused by others when I was a child discovering a special way to worship our Lord, through prayer and song. A conversion which had truly changed my entire life became possible. I saw life differently now I was able then too ministered to others, especially the young people I was working with. God has the power and the glory. In strong community, you can see the power of the Holy Spirit working among the people through physical and spiritual miracles.

We must all find such a place where we can be community by rediscovering each other in relationship to Jesus Christ.

Remember

Remember why you chose the Saint you picked for Confirmation? Confirmation is a sacrament in the Catholic Church in which you publicly confirm your decision to be a catholic and are officially welcome into the church. Many years ago we would use the expression “becoming a soldier of Jesus Christ”.

Choosing just one saint was difficult since I had a great devotion to so many. Finally I made the decision and selected St. Bernadette Soubirous, a peasant girl from Lourdes, France. At the age of fourteen she began to have visions of a lady, who told her that she was the “Immaculate Conception”. She was drilled by the authorities, but was consistent about what she saw. Her humility was extraordinaire.

During that time in my life my little sister and I were in a foster home in which we were suffering both physical and mental anguish. Hunger and sadness were plentiful. Reading about the story of St. Bernadette made me realize that we had much in common in many ways, she was severely poor, and later on in life she was in constant pain that she offered up to God. Her life made my life bearable as difficult as it was, for she strengthened my faith.

I modeled my life after hers, praying and offering my sufferings to the Lord. One of the things that finally convinced me to choose her was that she did not remember her lessons, she could not memorized her prayers and therefore was kept back from receiving the sacrament of Holy Eucharist with her class. I identified with that, because when I made my first Holy Communion could not memorize all the prayers, but I believed with my whole heart that Jesus was present in the Eucharist.

Later on when I became Director of Religious Education I made choosing a saint as a role model an important and elaborate part of the program and practiced that faith was more important than memorization. No child would ever be detained from receiving a sacrament because he or she could not memorize a prayer.